On November 15, 2016, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was named “The Sexiest Man Alive.” On November 16, 2016, I was mad that People Magazine would do me such injustice. I mean, look at me.

Here are the reasons why I should be named the Sexiest Man Alive:

1. Spice factor: This Dwayne kid is not even Indian, so he’s not spicy like curry. My name is literally Kurry J. Spicy.
2. Paper beats Rock: There’s also the fact that he’s called “The Rock.” Because his body is like a rock. But my body is like a paper. And everyone knows that paper beats rock.
3. My Hair: I’ve got amazing hair. No, not my leg hair, silly! The hair on my head flows like the Ganges river does in India. It’s beautiful.
4. India: I’m from India.
5. Reason 4: I’m from India.

You probably think I’m biased because I see myself every day in the mirror when I’m fixing my hair. Let me assure you that, first of all, I am a super reliable source. One time this guy left his child with me. The kid didn’t run away for a whole ten minutes! But don’t just trust me; I’ve got many more people backing me up saying that I should have won the award, including a very smart person from the National Honors Society.

“Imma let Dwayne the Rock finish, but Kunal is one of the sexiest guys of all time,” said Omar Nabulsi, National Honors Society President.

Presidents only preach the truth. If you think that I deserve the award, please go to voteforkunalforsexiestmanalive.com. Cast your vote. If you do this by Dec. 20, I can still be named the sexiest man alive. This isn’t for me; this is for the world to see the truth.