Ever since I was a little kid, I loved having my privacy invaded. It’s kind of weird now that I think about it. So I thought about it. Basically, we’re conditioned like this, from airport security going through all our luggage to the boys’ urinals being a bit too close.

Actually, scratch that. I think the urinals are at a perfect distance. Any closer and they’d all be one big urinal but any farther and we miss the opportunity of having this brotherhood. Sure, it’s awkward to strike up a conversation, but when’s a better time to do it than when two men have their pants down? Exactly. It’s the opportune moment.

Plus there’s the added bonus of totally being within your element. Clothes just mess with your zen. It’s a proven fact.

Lastly, it makes me feel like a man. The alternative to not standing up with your best friends inches away from each other is sitting in stalls. Ew. If you want to be a man, you have to do things the way your grandpa did, and the way your great-grandpa did. Stand up. It’s so manly.

I plan on embracing this ideology for the future and encourage you to as well. We often try to use circumstances like these to distance ourselves, but I say that we should use every opportunity to be more unified. Humanity is beautiful, even if your pants are down.