After a February weekend with temperatures hitting the mid 70s, I did a lot of thinking. I thought about what shorts to wear, which sunglasses to put on, and where the sunscreen was. And with such a hot weekend, naturally, I thought about climate change too. We are already living in a climate changed world, I thought. Wow.

I realize anecdotal evidence is pretty weak. An abnormally warm weekend does not prove a global phenomenon. But unless you’re either incapable of reading, or are blind and deaf, then you’ve probably already swallowed the pill of climate change acknowledgement. You’ve swallowed it and are ready to face the side effects. 

Let’s start off locally. Here in Illinois, a rise in temperatures would greatly affect agriculture. We’d see a longer growing season, meaning earlier starts to farming and later endings. That’s a great thing, actually. It means more corn, more soy, more wheat. Who doesn’t love corn, soy, and wheat?  

Lake Michigan would also feel the effects of climate change. Currently lake levels are at historic lows and with a rise in temperatures levels would only recede. Sure, it may kill some fish and aquatic vegetation, but who needs them anyways? Think of what we could do with that the land available from a drained lake. We could have larger beaches. We could build tennis courts. We could even eat those dead fish and have fish frys.

Nationally, we’d see a rise in sea levels. This would prove beneficial economically, politically, and socially. For one, Washington DC would be under water. So, those opposed the Trump administration would be delighted to find the administration has drowned (so much for draining the swamp). Next, we’d see a new coast line, with new economic opportunities. We’d have a beach further north and closer to Chicago so there’d be no need to travel far for a getaway. The beach would be in Tennessee and they’d be booming from tourism.

For all these reasons, it’s easy to see why climate change is not something to worry about. Instead of worrying about it, we should be welcoming it. We’d have more land from the receding of lakes, new opportunities with new coasts, and, best of all, more food. So, let’s keep burning that coal and emitting more CO2. It’d make our lives so much better.