Why you should cram for college apps


Log into your common app account at 11:49 p.m. If you go earlier, I’ll lazer you.

Nov. 1. 11:54 p.m. One more college app left. Sounds familiar? Don’t lie. That’s like your life story.

You’re thinking I’m going to tell you how bad this is. Well, maybe your college app sucks, but no, you’re wrong. Again. You’re always wrong. That’s why you got a 2 on your ACT.

Cramming for apps, contrary to popular belief, is not bad at all. Debatably, I think it’s actually better. Think about it, if you do them too far in advance, you don’t give colleges the authentic feel of how you currently are as an applicant. If you really want to get into the college environment that you fit in, apply as late as possible.

Now, some of you people already finished your early apps way before the deadline. Good news for you is that you have your regular submissions. I repeat: PROCRASTINATE. If you don’t know what that means, click on the link. You will thank me later. You’ll be in so much debt to me that you’re going to want to give me chocolates, your allowance for the month, and that one special spoon that you refuse to eat without. So, I’ll just take 100 bucks. That sound fair? Good.

As for the kids that have already finished your apps, you must be feeling amazing. It gets worse for you. In about a month, you will realize that you will be getting into schools that you don’t fit into. All because you didn’t wait. I’ve said this forever, and I’ll say it again. Procrastinators will rule the world. Beyoncé even said it in her song. Oh, she said girls will rule the world? Never mind.

**As my grandfather’s grandson once said, “College apps suck. So, suck on a lollipop and cram them into the last second.” What a wise man.  

Now go finish those college apps. #Harvard

**This is a fabricated quote for satirical purposes.